Sweet pain

Why you? Why should we choose you?

Prepare properly.

Not flexible enough.

Too vague and unspecific across the board.

Lacking confidence; nervous in front of others.

That was the blunt feedback I received in today’s interview. I felt crushed when I heard it. But it was also a slap that woke me up to how poorly I had done in those areas. The feeling stayed with me for a long time. I even thought about jumping from the ninth floor, more strongly than I had before. Part of me thought it was absurd to feel so fragile. Another part was frightened that the thought had occurred to me at all; even now it scares me to remember it.

Later I watched, over and over, a video about Jack Ma being rejected from more than 30 jobs and still refusing to give up. I wanted to find the courage and drive to keep going in someone I admire. It helps me go a little further and come out of a short spell of feeling low. Yes, it encourages me every time.

Tomorrow might be harder, and the day after that too. But sooner or later the sky will clear. No complaints; keep going!