Maybe I am feeling a little low

I do not know what to write. Lately, writing has felt unable to solve a problem that seems lodged deep inside me: I keep seeing work as the same week repeated again and again. I feel little interest in it. Perhaps pressure from other parts of life has worn down my energy too.

I have tried to find something I care about. I began rebuilding my morning exercise plan, redesigning my résumé, and clarifying where I want to work. Friends have seen me make new public commitments. I follow through on many of them; others take longer or change shape. They come from things I genuinely want.

I often lose energy when work comes with pressure and assessments. At a former part-time job, even though it was online, I could lose money if I failed to reply within a fixed time. It was not difficult work, but the pressure made me answer within a minute. A former colleague was surprised at how dedicated I was.

When there is less pressure, I work with ease and can often do more than expected. I felt that way in a job earlier this year, but left because I worried comfort would make me complacent. Before that, I worked part-time supervising an indoor playground. I could play with visitors, and apart from occasional tensions with coworkers, I was happy and did well.

I know what kinds of work I enjoy, but they seem to pay little. Other jobs pay more, yet the pressure has been greater than I imagined…