The night before that day—wish me luck!

Work was rough today. The first person I approached rejected me and, because of that encounter, I lost the chance to visit other potential customers on his floor. At the time it felt awful. Looking back, I can understand him: he did not trust a third party or want its testing service. That may have been a sign of care and responsibility. He was also a senior academician at the Chinese Academy of Sciences, far above me in experience and standing.

Other conversations were easier, especially with students. Some doctoral students and teachers were harder to speak with, often because my specialist knowledge was thin. I have only recently changed fields, so I need time and daily practice. At the very least, I must keep learning the product names.

Since yesterday I have also been thinking that I treat myself too harshly. I save on everything and rarely give myself a treat. No wonder I want to rebel and buy a good meal. That impulse comes from how strict I have been with myself.

Losing weight makes the decision harder: a good meal may wipe out that day’s calorie deficit, and a brief rise on the scale may test my resolve. This afternoon I used free iced water from McDonald’s to make coffee and felt sad about how tightly I was watching money. I want to enjoy food and drink sometimes, like other people, without fixating on every price. If I can afford it, staying calm matters too. I am beginning to see that this is part of my weight-loss plan.

My second meal tonight: