Thoughts over barbecue on Dragon Boat Festival

It is Dragon Boat Festival, and I had planned to eat a rice dumpling to mark the day. I should add that, partly because of timing and partly because of treatment that felt discriminatory, I received no holiday gift from either my former or current company. Honestly, it hurt. I usually care about little rituals, and today I felt dispirited and angry, especially with my former employer. Its HR staff asked whether I would return for a third time. I said absolutely not, without hesitation. Nearly a month later, I feel even more certain.

By evening I still had not eaten a rice dumpling, so I chose an all-you-can-eat barbecue instead. I had gone so long without meat that I felt I was being too hard on myself. After a little mental preparation, I brought Ensang along. Sharing good food with a close friend made me happy.

Now I am sitting here waiting for our order number to be called. I keep thinking about what crossed my mind while cycling here: barbecue tastes good, but it also feels expensive. It is only about 50 yuan, yet spending the money still stings, as it often does. Perhaps that is exactly why I should eat it. Do I want to feel this way forever?

An HR friend once told me, “Your day is a reflection of your life.” If this day were my whole life, how would I want to live it? I know the answer. The harder question is what I will actually do.