A little comfort from Micron

What does pain feel like? What about a mixture of confusion, sadness, and illness? I cannot quite answer. I only know I feel unable to do much. Films upset me; sounds feel too loud. I want to rest, not rush to find another job. My body feels awful, and I still sometimes retch. I have had to make clear choices to step away from people and places that make me feel worse. My mood shifts quickly: one moment I feel a little better, the next I am miserable again. I do not understand it.

Today I can hardly put my state into words. Gradually the feeling has settled, a little like the ache after ending a relationship with someone you loved. I do not regret the decision, but even a necessary choice can hurt. If I was listening to what I need, I think today’s choice was right.

I have so much I might say, yet I cannot find the words. If work is only about surviving, I find it hard to keep going under this kind of pressure. Yesterday a friend went with me to a flower and bird market. Seeing the small animals there was comforting. I was happy to be reminded that these little creatures share our world.