How sound are my standards for judgment?

I have tomorrow off and want to rest properly. I will leave the work and client chat groups closed. There is so much I want to learn, but I need one day to stop without worrying about it. Rest is a normal thing to do. If something unexpected follows, I will deal with it. I need my own standards and boundaries.

I did not expect to remain so hesitant in life. Perhaps I never built a clear enough set of values. As I now see it, after one hardship there can always be another. Without my own standards, I let other people measure me with their rulers. How could a ruler made for someone else fit me? When I keep accommodating others, I risk losing sight of myself. I need to ask: what matters more?

After thinking about it for a long time, I return to the same answer: taking each step steadily. I often feel anxious when I cannot meet a manager’s expectations. A clearer standard for my own judgments might spare me some of that needless strain.

I am short on sleep and rest. Others can see that I am not doing well, and I feel it too. Today I met friends and talked with family. They reminded me that adapting to work takes time and patience. They also reminded me to care for my body. Trading health for a short-term result seems foolish to me. I want to give important work my best effort without wearing myself out just to feel heroic.

Studying the Bible has made me think about the difference between cleverness and wisdom. Someone may earn money by exhausting themselves, then lose much more when their health fails. In The Art of War, too, I find the idea that it is wiser to prevent a problem at its source than to celebrate solving it later. If I must choose, I want the lasting judgment, not a clever move for the moment.