Monday again

On Sunday night I tried to summon every bit of energy I would need for Monday. This morning, especially after coffee, I felt charged up. But I could not rest properly at lunch, and by afternoon my energy had collapsed. I only wanted to finish and go home. It is natural to feel disappointed looking back. Still, I should ask whether I really gave today my best.

I am working on my mistakes, but there are too many to fix in a day. I may be expecting too much too quickly. I need to adjust before that works against me.

I wonder how people my age are doing. What do my friends think of their lives? When I feel lost, remembering old friends brings me comfort.

I got home earlier than usual today, but I feel even more tired—the drop after a day of being wound up. Perhaps I need a calmer mind. Did I push too hard? Maybe. I was so tired I did not even want to buy a cage for my Syrian hamster; it felt like one more errand. Perhaps tired people think that way.

This morning I saw that a stranger had liked one of my posts on my public WeChat account. It was about survivorship bias: no one’s life can be copied exactly. A successful person may describe what helped them as fairly as they can, yet their account still contains a personal view and may leave out the people who tried the same things without succeeding. Taking it as a formula can bring needless worry. It is a hard lesson.

For the past two nights, I have enjoyed a late-night livestream that helps me sleep. I first clicked because I found the host beautiful. I used to think that would not affect me, but now I put on my headphones and listen as I drift off…