Will I keep the blog going?

The most comforting thing when I got back last night was eating the snacks a friend gave me on Saturday: a bag of Lay’s fries and some Chagee bread cubes. They looked like the kind of food that could interfere with losing weight, and at first I did not even want them. I had no time to give them to anyone else, so I decided to eat them myself. I move enough that I could use the energy.

I tried a bite cautiously, then found myself eating the rest with delight. I finished a whole bag and felt happy, not guilty. Snacks may be off my usual plan, but what I felt most was my friend’s generosity. I fell asleep with that feeling.

Work is calmer for now, yet I have been given more tasks than I can easily fit in. If I work at a careful pace, I am told I am too slow. If I speed up, I miss details and am told my standards are too low. Letting someone else’s shifting demands entirely define my worth does not seem like a good way to live. I need to start with my own judgment rather than endlessly trying to please.

Tonight was difficult. I was lectured before I could leave. I am not complaining; I have grown quieter and changed a lot. I still try to reflect before answering. I can see places where I have not done my best, and criticism can help me improve if I listen.

I left 20 minutes later than usual, dangerously close to missing the last subway. It will happen again from time to time. All I can do is handle each day as well as I can.