Growing through the struggle, every day

My alarms rang at 7:00, 7:05, 7:10, 7:15… Each time I persuaded myself to sleep a little longer. I finally got up at 7:45. As I opened my eyes, I wanted to give up in a million ways. How had I been so fired up yesterday, promising to make a huge change? Change is hard and takes time. Understanding something does not mean I can live it immediately.

Luckily I adjusted fairly quickly. I did not avoid the challenges I had to face today. My weaknesses were plain to my colleagues, but they were willing to point them out and help me. I was falling short in many areas, not because I did not care, but because old gaps in my thinking had become a serious bug.

This afternoon my boss called me into his office. A few simple questions showed me problems I usually overlook. In ten minutes I saw that the way I take in information and handle tasks was not merely weak; in some respects it was almost nonexistent. I was so shocked I cried.

I have grown every day this past week, and each step has hurt. It has shown me why I failed before and demanded that I improve faster. Perhaps this is what being knocked about by the working world feels like. Last week I was grateful just to get through each day; now I am on edge, paying close attention to every detail.

I hope I can keep at it and do each day well.