I am changing

I have a day off tomorrow, and that prospect has made me strangely anxious. I want to use the time well and plan it quickly because I know how valuable a day to myself is. After talking with my team leader this afternoon, though, I realized how tired I am. Much of it is emotional; my state of mind has left me physically worn out too. My manager noticed and approved the leave. I can use the extra day to rest, sort through my thoughts, and return to work in a better state.

I have not adjusted my attitude yet. I would not say I am negative about work, but I have become passive. Perhaps my thoughts and actions are not aligned. A day is too short to solve that, so for now I can only try to approach it more calmly.

Talking with a friend this afternoon, I realized I often sigh without noticing. Someone pointed it out at the end of last year, and I started watching for it. Five months later, I am still doing it. Hearing that again startled me.

It is not my only bad habit. I have said I would give my all to important things, but I have not lived up to it at work. I wake and turn first to Japanese rather than work, yet I do not even keep up a consistent half hour of Japanese study. Both work and learning suffer.

That is only part of it. I will think more tomorrow.