mantou’s work notes

I may be someone who dislikes having tasks fixed for me by others. Whether I volunteer or am assigned the work, I can grow anxious and make mistakes. I am just starting here, so I need to face that. Perhaps some of the obstacles are also in my imagination. With effort, I can become more capable.

Yesterday I was frightened because something had gone badly. Looking back, it was manageable. If I am sincere and keep trying, I need not worry about every outcome. I spent this morning reflecting and had no time to read the Bible. I cannot do everything at once.

This afternoon I made progress on company projects and heard encouragement from my team leader at last. That mattered to me. Give me an opening to improve and I believe I can handle harder work. The confidence comes from a better attitude, sounder methods, and a willingness to keep adjusting. I am settling into the company’s pace. I have improved since yesterday, even since this morning, and the day did not leave me as tired as I expected. Perhaps achievement helped.

The best work would feel like part of my own larger purpose. If it cannot, I can at least see this job as a way to learn while earning. I have finished work and am on my way home. To protect my sleep, I may need to ease the target of writing 1,000 words every day. I think readers and my future self will understand. Right now, this work helps support both my dreams and my ambition.

I need to adjust my weekday routines. Every choice has a cost, and I must ask whether I can live with it. That is enough for today. I have not written much, but the pages feel full…