A run of unpleasant surprises

I took some meat out of the fridge to make lunch and found it crawling with tiny flies. I stared at them: how could insects survive in there? Then I smelled something sour. Opening the bag made it worse. I hated wasting food, especially when I had barely eaten any of the meat, and spent a while arguing with myself. In the end I threw it away.

At work, I opened my computer to sign in to an AI account. The company network was down or stuck on a page, as it has been on and off since the start of the year. I tried my phone’s hotspot, but that was slow too. The VPN has been no help lately either.

There is more. I dislike the cramped atmosphere of the urban village in Guangzhou where I live, though for financial reasons I need to stay for now. Last week some articles disappeared from my blog. I worked hard to restore them, only to notice yesterday that more were missing. I want to fix it, but the unreliable connection keeps delaying me. None of this is fun.

Perhaps this is what being worn down by everyday life feels like: a thousand small things consume the attention and time I have. When so much goes to problems I did not choose, I sometimes feel close to breaking.

I spent perhaps 70 percent of today irritated. At noon I read the Bible beside the river and put my head down on the book, hoping the quiet would settle me. Instead, sudden heavy rain sent me running for shelter, angrier with every step. I remembered a claim that people may get irritable while trying to lose weight. I had first taken it as a joke; after looking into it, I wondered whether that might be part of what I was feeling. Since setting a clear goal, I seem to notice every obstacle in my way, and I have reacted sharply to more than a few of them.