Awareness

Today I started to feel irritable and anxious again, just like I was in the same state every time I made a big change. Today is still similar to yesterday. When I accidentally saw that the time had reached 5:10, I hurriedly rushed to write my blog post today. I am quite satisfied with my work today, and I have basically overfulfilled my task today. At this point, most of the content is basically completed, and some necessary and solid foundations have been laid for the subsequent changes.

Today’s Bible section has already read the Messiah section, and it is written in the form of poetry. It is relatively easy and relaxing to read, but while reading today, I picked up the book and put it down several times. There are things to do in my heart, and I am anxious inside like an ant on a hot pot dancing ballet on tiptoes. But do I know whether the future will be more difficult? Or is the future you envisioned more terrifying? Is the challenge you envisioned real? Am I sure it’s real? How did I feel when I first thought about it? What if you think about it the other way around?

After listening to what was shared in yesterday’s podcast, I began to implement this method on myself. I experimented with the anxiety, fear, and uneasiness I encountered. So I gave an honest answer to the fear I had in mind:

There was indeed a challenge in that matter, but the challenge was not as scary as I imagined, so the fear I imagined did not actually exist. In other words, the horror is not real. When I first thought about such a thing, my heart was filled with extreme fear and prepared to retreat, and I was tortured! But I thought about it and reversed my concept: I was no longer afraid, and even accepted this “challenge” with joy. Because I started to regard this challenge as a fun little thing, a fun little experience. Then the fear before I changed my mind suddenly disappeared, and my heart was filled with joy!

But was that me who was in that fearful mood just now? Am I the one who is full of joy now? From a regular perspective: both are “phases”, not “origins”. The observer who can observe “myself in fear” and “myself in joy” may be closer to the real me. This kind of “awareness” allows me to dance out the ballet steps of emotions and calmly examine the “heat” that once made me dance on tiptoes. In fact, when I actually do it once, I will clearly feel that I have actually experienced an “awakening” moment. This is the completion of the most important jump in cognitive structure: disidentification.

From “I am…” to “I look at…”: Most people spend their entire lives being deeply bound (i.e., “identified”) to their thoughts and emotions. When fear strikes, they feel “I’m scared”; when joy strikes, they feel “I’m happy.” What we experience is that we take a step back and become “I observed the emotion of fear/joy in myself.”

Discover the secret of the sky and clouds: the “observer” is like a vast sky, and all emotions and thoughts are clouds floating across the sky. There are black and white clouds (the dualistic “appearances”) that come and go indefinitely, but the sky (“original”) itself is neither blackened by dark clouds nor colored by white clouds. You are aware that you are that sky, which is actually a very profound awareness.

But this is not a sign of “enlightenment.” If you integrate such a short-term “state” into your daily life and become your subconscious reaction, an effortless normalcy can be considered true enlightenment.

Awakening or enlightenment is often misunderstood as a state of being detached from the world and no longer experiencing any emotional fluctuations. In fact, quite the opposite.

As the famous Zen saying goes: “Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water; after enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.”

Being an aware “observer” is not a way for you to escape the challenges of reality or become apathetic to work and change. On the contrary, it prevents you from expending a lot of energy fighting against inner anxiety and fear. When you are no longer hijacked by emotions, you can complete those “large contents” and deal with future changes with extreme clarity, efficiency, and even a sense of ease in the game world.

This awareness is a muscle memory that requires consistent practice. When you get caught up in complicated specific affairs again tomorrow or next week, and the old anxiety comes back, what method are you going to use to remind yourself to quickly return to that “observer” position?

Yesterday I heard someone share that the law of operation of this world is actually “Tao”. We live in a world of dualistic opposition. Since there is “Tao”, there will also be “non-Tao” in this world; if there is happiness, there will be sadness; if there is happiness, there will be pain. Everyone and everything we encounter in this life are actually projections of our hearts…