A big change

Over time I have become one of the adults I did not understand when I was young. I used to pester someone older to play with me. In the middle of our fun, a phone call would make them suddenly serious and tense. My playmate became a boring grown-up, and I was left to entertain myself.

I disliked that change right up until about six months after graduating. Lately, though, a colleague often calls me over to share something delightful that happened to her, and I nearly always have work to do. I want to hear her. Yet I am typing or thinking, with one eye on the screen and the other turned toward her. She politely stops, and I can feel myself becoming someone she no longer wants to tell. I regret it. When I hear her complain, I remember how I felt more than ten years ago, with hundreds of things to say and no one listening.

Do I not enjoy chatting and laughing with a friend? Of course I do. But the task in front of me always seems important, even when I look back later. The next task follows the last. There is rarely a moment when I feel free. Perhaps that is part of growing up, especially once I have fixed goals.

Being busy can also be addictive. I spin from one project to the next without feeling much discomfort. Whether it has been worth it may take years for me—and for people watching me—to know.

Today I started some larger changes I have put off for too long. I began with my community, made substantial changes to my WeChat public account, and seriously revised my Regular-Investment Checklist. I talked through the details with my AI assistant. The changes ahead may grow larger still.