March 16

I woke up with much more energy this morning. During my reading practice, my memory and concentration felt noticeably better. The likeliest reason is that I went to sleep at least an hour earlier than the night before. One day may be chance, but my scattered experiments in the past have pointed in the same direction.

Yesterday, Sunday, I laid out a few concrete plans. Thinking about them now, I see how much they depend on stability: stable emotions, sleep, scheduling, even pay. Perhaps that also explains why many people miss their student days. Back then there were fewer things to unsettle us. Apart from grades, little else demanded our attention. It is easier to understand that once you have started working.

I rarely write out all the things that upset me. I could never finish listing them, and my time is limited. When a whole category of life feels wrong, it is like a damaged tree trunk: why expect healthy branches? Unless it somehow mutates, I suppose.

So I usually turn toward what I can work on: myself. Are my values clear enough? Do I have a useful way to deal with setbacks? What response makes sense in each situation? I keep adjusting the way I do things. Even when a day does not go as planned, continuing to revise my approach counts as progress.

After wrestling with the world, I often discover that I needed to start with my imperfect self. Some obstacles seem to be projections of what is unresolved inside me. “Changing my fate” sounds grand; improving myself a little at a time feels more real. I need that bit of self-repair, sometimes late at night, before setting off again. I am not trying to feed myself empty encouragement or hide from problems. I am reminding myself that I must be able to rely on myself.

Tonight I made the first afternoon meal of the second week of my fat-loss plan. It was healthier than last week’s version, mainly because I added chicken and mushrooms.

I will leave it there.