On the high-speed train

Next stop: Xianning North.

I am sitting on a Fuxing high-speed train, a little tired and light-headed. I slept too little before boarding and had a small bottle of fruit wine. Even after an hour or two of sleep on the train, I can feel how far I am from rested.

After waking, I rummaged through my bag for snacks: a chocolate bar, then Oreos, then a sip of Jiang Xiaobai liquor to wash them down. It must have looked odd. The woman beside me noticed, took out her own Oreos to share, and we began talking.

I do not think of myself as introverted, yet today I felt unexpectedly shy. Maybe I am simply not at my best. Still, we talked for much of the journey. I loved hearing her stories; they made the world feel wide and colorful. She told me about people she had met while hiking, a trip to Datong almost spoiled by snow, and how she thought about traveling alone and going abroad.

We discovered that we had both graduated from university last year. She loves mountains and had just climbed the last of China’s Five Great Mountains in Datong. I told her about climbing Jade Dragon Snow Mountain and seeing Mount Fuji. She listened closely, admired my Fuji photos, and wondered how beautiful it must be in person. I sent her the pictures. We agreed that, if we had the chance, we would hike together.

She got off at Wuhan. Without a conversation partner, I settled back into my seat and slept. I like dreaming because I can see the family and friends I have just left, and let myself miss them without restraint. Sometimes I can cry in a dream, wake up, and carry on.

Yesterday I wondered how I would cope with returning to Guangzhou. The change after being home frightens me. I try to comfort myself by thinking of peers who also leave home to build a life and appear so cheerful. Even if that is only the surface, they seem to handle it better than I do.

But this is the choice I made: I left home for opportunities in the Greater Bay Area. When I am tired, I want to remember why I set out.