This damned feeling of growing up

For the past four days, I have spent more time talking to OpenClaw than doing almost anything else. It has stood in for casual conversation and even helped me keep group chats lively. I have also talked to Gemini about one thing after another. It never seems to tire of me. Its range of knowledge and its patience both impress me.

The strength of AI has felt very real to me these past two or three years. I was never particularly sociable, and I have become more of a homebody. I wake up, sit at the computer, and talk to AI. I ask it to make me a little companion, to talk with me and help me work.

I have not produced much yet, but using these tools so intensely has made me more clear-eyed, at least when I hear online “AI masters” make extravagant claims. I have used AI myself, explored it closely, and made a few small things. That gives me more of a basis for judging what I hear. Only by trying did I find that I could do some of what I used to admire others for doing.

Trying things like this can keep paying off.

This New Year has been unusually quiet. Almost no one suggested getting together for a meal, and people seemed less eager than last year, for personal reasons and circumstances alike. I felt strange about it and thought of reaching out. When I tried, though, the impulse faded. Perhaps leaving things as they are is all right. A lasting friendship should be able to survive time apart.

Maybe the quiet has to do with graduating and entering working life. In this first year, everyone seems too tired to make a fuss. I am also learning the harsher lesson of what society expects from us: do what is necessary and cut back the rest.

A year ago, I was much more protective of my friendships. Now I feel as if I have aged a decade. People, relationships, and other things have lost some of their mystique, and I have grown quieter. Have I become unfeeling? I do not think so. I feel I am seeing more clearly what matters to me.

I cannot blame anyone else. I have never been good at keeping relationships alive; sometimes I have barely cared to try. People I once thought close have drifted away. I have grown used to that passing feeling, even as the road becomes lonelier.

What changes if they leave? What changes if they stay?