Even at the hot spring, I could not quite relax

I got up early for breakfast and then discovered I could use the hot spring. I slipped away before everyone else woke, thinking I needed to claim a place. No one else came the whole time. Later they shook their heads: who would bathe outside in weather this cold?

I had thought the same before I went. In the water, though, I did not feel cold, nor did I feel it when I stepped out. I was warm and flushed. It felt as if I had become more tolerant of the cold.

I later searched for information about winter hot springs and their possible benefits. I had been to hot springs before, but never an outdoor one. Given the choice, I would go outdoors again; it feels closer to nature.

The strange part was that, however hard I tried, I could not fully relax. Something stayed on my mind and kept my nerves taut. I did not actually lose anything by trying to enjoy the moment, yet the worry remained.

It was the same at karaoke last night. I wanted to sing and dance without holding back, but only imagined doing it. I stay guarded in situations where I would rather join in. That caution may help sometimes; during rest and play, I regret it. I admire people who seem able to let go. I have seen some of them excel in sales, teaching, or business, and wonder whether that ease is a skill grounded in how they see the world.

Yesterday I was shy about talking with people until I thought: perhaps this is just a game. For a moment, the idea freed me.

Before I finish, I also want to mention the Starbucks drink set I had today, the “Lingnan Duet.”